Stay
by IzzBot
Summary: Ryan comes to a realization while Seth tries to comfort him. Random musings told through 2 different POVs. Slash. "Here is this wild crazy person, in my bed, laughing at nothing or maybe at me, I don’t know, and I notice how his eyes look sad."
1. Seth

_A/N: This is a two-parter. Same story but with 2 different point of views. Slash. _

_Disclaimer: I do not have any rights to the O.C., Seth, or Ryan. _

**SETH**

I am sitting in the pool house, legs crossed Indian style fairly uncomfortably, and it is _hot. _Wet air sticks to my skin, traveling down my cheek like a tear. Ryan looks up from where he is sprawled on the bed, "You know you don't have to stay in here just for me."

I wipe at my flushed, sweaty face. "Nah, it's cool."

Ryan is currently in full angst mode, of which only one person can cause – Marissa. They argue as often and routinely as the tides swelling and diminishing as the day goes on. And Ryan is left in the wake, broken. Sullen. Angry. And generally un-fun.

But, well, it is my job as his #1 Best Bud to keep him company in his time of need. Even if all he is doing is lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. Even if the stupid pool-house's AC is broke and I'm sweating through my shirt. Even if I'm going out of my freaking mind sitting here in this sauna watching Ryan stare at the ceiling…

"Seriously, man. Why don't you just go - "

"No," I interrupt. Did I mention that I get cranky when it's hot out?

Ryan sighs and returns his gaze to the ceiling. A million things seem to be jumbling about in his mind and yet he doesn't say a word. I hold my breath as his lips begin to part, maybe some sound will come out. Possibly? No. Of course not. Those pink lips let out a breath then press back into a grimace.

I stare at his mouth until he shoots me a look; I blush. This quiet is killing me. I'm itching to talk, talk talk talk, until the room overflows with noise. But the point of this wasn't for me to inanely spew every facet of my life; it was for him to actually say what he's feeling for once. So that he doesn't explode suddenly and punch somebody…. Again. But of course he is making this difficult. I awkwardly hold up my hands and say, "So, Marissa…"

"I don't wanna talk about it." His right hand curls into a fist. He only rests it behind his head but I understand the gesture nonetheless.

"Look, dude, I know that it's like your dream in life to hide away and brood and angst… but this is seriously not healthy. Like, at all. You're like a bomb about to go off… I'm trying to defuse you." I take a deep breath and blink a lot, which I do when I'm nervous.

I study his expression, waiting for him to break the silence. My eyes travel to his lips again and I notice a drop of sweat rolling over his skin, causing his mouth to glisten. He licks his lips and I choke a little. I cough obscenely loud; then I start to laugh. Tremors run through my body as I let out embarrassing guffaws but I can't help myself. I breathe a little easier as Ryan begins to grin. I hiccup. "Um."

He sits up on the bed and the blinds create crisscrossed shadows on his face. "I know you're just trying to help, Seth. But I'm fine. I don't need… defusing. I… I just need time. The whole talking thing… it's not really for me"

I look at the floor, a dejected look on my face more for show than any real hurt. "Well, hey, fine. If you wanna be alone you can be alone. Whatever."

I do this little pouty face that I know kicks ass and start to rise. I inwardly rejoice when he grabs my arm, saying, "Stay."

It's wrong how much I yearn for those words from Ryan. But hey, coming from a guy who makes pushing people away a profession, this is a big deal. I fall back onto the bed, a silly self-satisfied grin on my face. "Okay, but only 'cus you asked so nicely."

He rolls his eyes and they flash in the sunlight for a moment. I love his eyes, so quintessentially Californian. I always found it odd, and a bit unfair, that he so easily fit into the looks of Newport with his tan skin and platinum hair. Me – my messy Jew-fro, pale skin, and skinny frame stick out like a sore thumb. Where the hell did they get that phrase from… sore thumb. And how do you even get a sore thumb anyway? And if you get one would you be constantly thumbs-upping people or does sore mean it's just bruised 'cause that would be a really boring way to start a cliché….

"Are you asleep?"

Ryan's voice enters my thoughts and I realize my eyes are closed, my mind drifting. I open an eye and jump a little when I find Ryan lying close next to me…. Very close. His Newport eyes and his Newport grin (our little Chino sure has changed) are inches from me. His Newport lips form a grin.

"I just wanted to say, um…" His voice is deep and husky and I really hate that he doesn't talk more. "Justwantedtosaythanks."

My eyes travel from his lips to his eyes. So eloquently I respond, "hunh?"

"Um, thank you. For this. For always being there and, geez, this is sappy. But I mean it and I'm actually talking so I think I'll keep on going. I know I get freaked out over Marissa sometimes… a lot of the time. And, I don't know, I like that you're here. Right now, in general. No matter what, you're here," he laughs hollowly, "You're not the only one who likes Seth/Ryan time, you know…"

He trails off and my eyes must be huge. I joke pathetically, "Whoa, that's a lot of words for you. How does it feel to actually be communicating things? This sure is a momentous occasion."

He snorts and rolls off the bed. I feel kind of bad for ruining one of the few actual serious moments we've had. This time I grab his arm, and with a grin I say, "Stay."

_TBC_


	2. Ryan

**RYAN**

_(earlier)_

My chest feels tight and needles seem to be stabbing at the back of my eyes. I leave Marissa by her front door and run to the pool house, slamming the door shut behind me, causing it to shake and rattle. Seth is sitting on my bed, legs folded Indian style. He looks up and says flatly, "Saw you with Marissa. Thought you might want a friend."

I hate the knowing, unsurprised look in his dark eyes. I hate that when I want to ignore and forget everything and everyone he is just… there. Giving me this stare.

I glare at him and collapse onto the bed, letting the comforter envelop me. It's way too hot but I don't feel like moving… ever again, really. I can feel Seth's eyes on my back and my skin begins to tingle. "Stop. Staring."

I hear him shuffling around but when I look up he's right where he was before. I sigh. I can never seem to get rid of him can I? "You know you don't have to stay in here just for me."

He declines and instead runs a hand across his face and hair. His curls stick up on one side and, combined with his red face and caffeine jitters, make him look like a madman. A harmless, silly madman anyway.

I roll over and force myself to stare at the ceiling. Those dark, madman eyes are beginning to scare me. The white walls glow pink with the sun setting right outside these four walls. My anger seems to be abating, leaving only an empty depression in its wake. Great.

I make a few attempts to get him to leave and he counteracts with attempts to get me to talk. Both are futile. The quiet is deafening and I'm not surprised when Seth begins to babble, swinging his hands around like he doesn't know quite what to do with him. God, it's hot in here. I watch his mouth move. He talks really quickly…

I almost jump when he lets out a huge laugh, at apparently nothing. His already red face burns even more and his eyes seem wild. Here is this wild crazy person, in my bed, laughing at nothing or maybe at me, I don't know, and I notice how his eyes look sad. He is laughing and yet he looks sad. I regret wanting him to leave. All he wants do is help and I act like a jerk.

But this revelation only contributes to my isolationist mood. I tell him that I don't want to talk. As predicted, he doesn't budge. Instead, he crosses his arm and gives me this _look. _This expression that includes a pudgy lower lip sticking out, eyebrows furrowing, and, I don't even know, just this freaking _look. _It gets to me and I find myself reaching out. I find myself telling him to stay.

His dark eyes glow with delight.

I find a lean body tumbling next to mine across the sheets. His skin glows orange in the light and his eyes flash in the sun. It's too much.

I watch as his smile falters into a light smirk. I watch as his eyes flutter close, as he dreams. I don't think about Marissa or about life or about anything really. All I see are the shadows lengthening across his face. All I hear are his steady breaths. And all I feel is him next to me. And it's peaceful and warm.

It must stop.

It must stop because it is _too _warm and _too _soft. He is too everything, too nice and too innocent. He is too Seth. And everything is everything and my own mind has morphed into a chaotic mess. Logic has been conquered by uncontrollable feeling.

I think to myself, those eyes, now lidded, have way too much power over me.

Reality has become fuzzy to me so I tentatively reach out and touch the closest thing, Seth. I trail a finger across his forehead, down the bridge of his nose. I slide my thumb over slightly parted lips. He's beautiful. How have I never noticed how beautiful he is? I gasp as he sighs deeply and warm breath tickles my hand. I withdraw.

My chest feels tight and suddenly I am grateful. So grateful for Seth and for this life. For being able to spend a lazy afternoon in the pool house, on a bed with white, clean sheets. Hell, I am even grateful for Marissa's own chaos, for somehow it just completes this wonderfully strange world I have found myself in.

The body next to me starts to move. I ask softly, "Are you asleep?"

My heartbeat thumps just a bit harder when those dark, deep eyes are revealed. I clear my throat. I smile – what else can I do? Looking into those magnetic eyes I find myself saying all these things, these things I wouldn't normally say. And I laugh a strange laugh.

Seth's eyes grow wide and he responds fairly predictably – a joke. It's a comfort to know that Seth will be Seth even when I'm not me. I laugh again and roll off the bed, away from that beautiful body. I startle when I feel a sleep-warmed arm grab me. One word – Stay.

_The End_

_Please review!_


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